Reimagining Zealous Advocacy:A Family Law Lawyer’s Heightened Duty of Care to Florida’s Children and Families

By Lauren Grondski.

This work was originally published in The Florida Bar Family Law Section Commentator, Volume XLV, Issue 1, 2025.

Being a family law attorney is an honor and a privilege—but it also comes with tremendous responsibility. For many children and families, family law attorneys are the gatekeepers of their divorce experience. All too often, we witness firsthand the devastation of divorce characterized by conflict, sometimes resembling all-out war. As practitioners, we hold great power: the ability to dictate the emotional temperature of a case and profoundly impact its outcome. It is not only our legal expertise that matters, but our thoughts, feelings, actions, and words that shape the lives of those we serve.

Initiation Into the Florida Bar, the Concept of Service, and the Family Law Collective

Early in our careers, we stood before someone qualified to administer the oath into this great profession. Most of us remember the pride we felt as we raised our right hands and solemnly swore to support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Florida. That moment marked our formal commitment to integrity, fairness, and civility—principles that are meant to guide us daily.

The concept of “service”—our duty to protect the children and families in family court—must be paramount. We serve by honoring our roles as sworn officers of the court. When we took the oath, we joined a collective: the community of Florida family law attorneys. This collective is not only a professional network but a sacred circle, entrusted with wisdom, legal knowledge, and the emotional stewardship of our clients.

When we begin to think of the idea of Family Law Practitioners in Florida as a collective, rather than as a conglomerate of separate individuals, we begin to understand the true nature of the reality of what is at play, and what happens when we behave in ways that are not in alignment with the highest good of everyone involved. When we see ourselves not as isolated practitioners, but as members of a unified field—an entity unto itself—we begin to understand the magnitude of our actions. If one accepts the premise that we operate as a collective, it stands to reason that the actions of one or few individuals will affect the whole. Just as one drop of ink can cloud a glass of water, the conduct of one lawyer can pollute the profession. Our collective integrity relies on each member’s commitment to ethical and compassionate practice.

A Heightened Duty of Care: Ethics, Integrity, and the Stakes for Children

Before diving into the specific ethical duties outlined by the Florida Bar, let us remember that family law attorneys are on the front lines with children and families. Our behavior directly impacts their well-being. Unlike in other areas of law, a family law case is deeply personal. Practicing law may resemble a chess game—but in family court, the stakes are children’s lives. A single misstep can destroy hard-won peace.

Sowing discord may boost a lawyer’s billable hours, but the impact on families—especially children—is unacceptable. Many of us enter this field with good intentions, only to find ourselves pulled into a toxic, adversarial system. As author Barbara Kingsolver wrote, “If you lie down with snakes, you get up with the urge to bite back.” We must resist this descent. While the aggressive metaphors of bulldogs, sharks, and snakes may be accepted elsewhere, we must ask ourselves: do such behaviors belong in a system designed to guide families through hardship? 

Failure to understand and acknowledge that we as family law attorneys are situated in a much different role than other lawyers, is a failure to acknowledge the incredible power and responsibility that comes along with fulfilling that role. Failure to understand and appreciate the impact our work has on the day to day lives of the children and families who we take under our wings, is a failure to all children and families in family court. They hire us and spend money at a difficult time with trust that we will do right by them. 

To ignore the unique role of family lawyers is to deny the immense power and responsibility that comes with it. Clients trust us in their darkest moments. That trust must be honored.

Ethics Rules as Collective Responsibility

Chapter 4 of the Rules Regulating the Florida Bar provides the ethical foundation for all attorneys. Rule 4-8.4(d) ensures that lawyers conduct themselves in a way that promotes respect for the legal profession but also the fair administration of justice. First, by addressing the legal profession as a whole, this rule highlights the collective nature of our profession, supporting the proposition that we as Lawyers are a collective. As Family Lawyers, we are a microcosm of the that whole, or a collective within a collective. It also means that when we allow misconduct, we poison our own well. Rule 4-3.3 further emphasizes candor toward the tribunal and prohibits false statements. While dishonesty is harmful in any legal context, in family court it can place children at risk.

Viewing these familiar rules in light of how one’s individual actions impact the whole of the collective, with the wellbeing of children ultimately at stake, how do the concepts of character, competence, civility, and commitment change? The actions of one attorney affect the whole. So, what behaviors must we reject? What do we demand from ourselves and each other?

Too often, we turn a blind eye to ethical violations, fearing that reporting misconduct might ruin someone’s life. But if that misconduct places children in danger, we must act. To shift blame to the person who reports the violation is a betrayal of our oath. Integrity demands that consequences fall on the one who committed the wrongdoing—not the one who had the courage to expose it.

Without citing specific examples, we can all agree that dishonesty has no place in the practice of law in general. But in family court? It cannot be permitted to stand. Almost all of us have witnessed attorneys lie to gain an upper hand for their client. In certain instances, I have witnessed such falsehoods inure to the detriment of little children, children whose highest good we are tasked to act with. 

When we see the practice of family law in Florida as one cohesive unit, a unit tasked with the wellbeing of little children, we must acknowledge our heightened responsibility to weed out dishonesty in this profession, lest we risk toxifying the entire collective.

Preserving Integrity in Practice

When we embrace our collective identity, the integrity of that whole becomes our highest concern. So how do we uphold character, competence, civility, and commitment?

Keep the temperature low. 

We can zealously advocate while reducing conflict. One of the most overlooked truths in family law is this: divorce records remain in the public record. Permanently. One day, children may read every word we have written. Instead of turning up the heat in a case, there are creative tools that we as lawyers can employ which will allow us to zealously advocate for our client, while also minimizing the negative impact on children and families.

I will never forget the day I found my parents' divorce file as an adult. I opened the long manila envelope; the kind used in the 1980s to hold 13-inch legal paper. As I flipped through theworn pages, discolored over time, I could smell the paper’s age, but one thing remained just as true as if it had been written today, it was full of inflammatory allegations, allegations which drove conflict in my young life. There, in black and white, were alleged facts about my family that no child should have to discover and read about in a public file. And by comparison to other casefiles, they weren’t even the “worst” instances I’ve seen as a practitioner. Nevertheless, that experience fundamentally changed the way I view pleadings.

As family law attorneys, we must constantly ask ourselves: What will the children see one day? Will they read about their parents’ worst moments in stark detail? Will they relive the pain that has already shaped their lives? We must be intentional. 

Practice Tip: From my first mentor, rather than exposing the family’s dirty laundry, cite the relevant statute preserve your claim while sparing the child. For example, if you represent a parent seeking 100% timesharing due to the other parent’s addiction or substance abuse, look to Florida Statutes sections 61.13(3)(q), which discusses the demonstrated capacity of a parent to maintain an environment free from substance abuse, and 61.13(3)(g), the mental and physical health of the parent, rather than detailing the addiction in the initial Petition.

This not only preserves your client’s legal claim while reducing emotional reactivity from the opposing party when served but also shields the children from unnecessary trauma if and when they access these records in the future.

Encourage early Mediation

Pre-suit mediation or early settlement discussions can avoid inflammatory pleadings altogether. In especially sensitive cases—such as those involving infidelity, grief, or financial hardship—reaching agreement before filings can spare families further heartache.

Imagine a case where a couple has endured profound trauma—like the loss of a child. That grief alone is almost unspeakable. Now add to it a pending divorce, with allegations that must be preserved for legal reasons: infidelity, job loss, alimony claims. These issues, though necessary, can act like salt in an already gaping wound. In the case of the couple who tragically lost a child, for example, one party was having an affair and then lost their job. In the divorce, they sought alimony from the other party who is was then carrying the financial weight and still grieving. A harshly worded petition could destroy any chance of settlement and retraumatize the grieving spouse. Moreover, if there were other children, surviving siblings, the pain and trauma of a litigated divorce after losing their brother or sister would have a profoundly negative impact on their childhood experience.

Practice Tip: Attend pre-suit mediation. If a petition has already been filed, enter into an agreed order delaying the response or Answer until after the parties have attended mediation. Most cases settle at mediation. If handled properly, in the majority of cases, the record will show an Answer filed after mediation stating that the parties have agreed on all issues, rather thandredging up wounds that children may someday read. This is compassion in legal practice.

The Cost of Unnecessary Litigation: A Caution Against Weaponizing the Process

One of the quiet tragedies of family law practice today is how often litigation is pursued simply because it can be. The court system is saturated—not because every matter is complex, but because far too many cases are unnecessarily prolonged by lawyers who choose to file motions and attend hearings over issues that may be resolved in a single phone call.

This behavior is not just inefficient, it is unethical when done in bad faith. When simple matters could be resolved with a conversation, but are instead funneled into motion practice, discovery disputes, and unnecessary hearings, the courts become congested, and truly urgent matters are delayed. Meanwhile, the families and children at the heart of these disputes suffer the emotional and financial fallout.

There is a more troubling layer to this pattern. Some lawyers do not view clients as people but as ATM machines. These lawyers find the biggest marital asset—often the home—and begin billing until the equity is gone, the parties are bankrupt, or both. Children be damned, they will churn the file, comforted by the fact that the aftermath is not their problem. But we know better. The trauma doesn’t vanish when the case closes; that trauma lingers in the lives of the children whose well-being we are sworn to protect.

There is a difference between zealous advocacy and destructive lawyering. The latter is not a strategy—it’s a breach of our oath. It is the opposite of service. And if we continue to allow this behavior within our collective, without accountability, we become complicit in the erosion of the very system we are meant to uphold.

As officers of the court, we must hold ourselves—and each other—to a higher standard. If we are not part of the solution, we are contributing to the problem. And children, who never asked to be part of this system, are the ones who pay the price.

When Lawyers Prevent Settlement – a Breach of Duty

One of the most troubling things we may hear from new clients who are coming from a previous attorney is that it’s not their ex who won’t settle, it’s the lawyers. 

In our field, people come to us emotionally raw, financially drained, and desperate for peace. But instead of support and resolution, many have been met with resistance from their own attorneys, professionals who were hired to help them end the conflict. Some clients are not looking to escalate a case from the beginning. They’re looking to move on. And yet, their lawyers will not let them, and many do not even inform them that they have the option of settlingand moving on. While other clients are angry, or hurt, and they go to war early on, encouraged by their attorney, but later, when they decide they want peace, their attorney still won’t let them settle. 

There are attorneys who stoke fear, magnify distrust, and frame compromise as weakness. They say things like, “I can get you a better deal,” and they strategize to avoid “losing” at all costs. These attorneys go beyond lawyering, and they insert themselves into the emotional core of the case and take control, not by guiding clients toward clarity, as an attorney should, but by preying on their vulnerability, their grief, and their confusion. In doing so, these attorneys violate their ethical obligations.

Under the Florida Rules of Professional Conduct, this behavior may constitute violations of multiple provisions, including rule 4-1.2(a) requiring a lawyer to abide by a client’s decision about whether to settle a matter. If a client wishes to resolve the case and the attorney obstructs that resolution, the lawyer is not simply being “aggressive”—they are acting against the client’s legal right and potentially without authority.

Under rule 4-1.4, an attorney has a duty to communicate all settlement offers and options to the client. Failing to do so, or manipulating how those options are presented, is a breach of trust and a failure to keep the client properly informed. Additionally, under rule 4-1.7(a)(2) alawyer may not allow their own interests, whether financial, reputational, or personal, to materially limit their representation. An attorney who prolongs a case for their own gain may be operating under a conflict of interest.

Likewise, under rule 4-3.2, an attorney must make reasonable efforts to expedite litigation consistent with the interests of the client. Encouraging unnecessary motions, delays, or trials when a case could be settled violates this principle.

The fact is, the clients do now know what is necessary and what is not, so it is even more incumbent upon us as the Lawyer not to take advantage of their lack of understanding of this system. 

And while these may seem like technicalities, real families suffer the consequences.

When settlement is blocked, children are the ones who suffer most. They are forced to grow up in the tension of prolonged litigation—often spending many, if not all, of their formative years in a climate of instability, court orders, time sharing disputes, and parental warfare. And many of these battles are preventable.

Family law is not a place for attorneys to indulge their egos or exploit trauma for billable hours. It should be treated as a sacred space where families can seek healing, and the children depend on us to do better. To be zealous does not mean to be aggressive. It means to be wise, ethical, and deeply human in how we guide our clients toward resolution.

A System Not Yet Designed for Healing

The current family law system is backlogged and overburdened. The volume of cases in litigation continues to swell, despite the well-intentioned advent of collaborative law and the requirement to attend mandatory mediation. These tools, though powerful in theory, have yet to make a meaningful dent in how families move through divorce in Florida.

Perhaps one day, families will separate and transition within a structure consciously designed to support them—an intentional system of resolution and transformation. A space built to usher families into their next chapter with care, clarity, and compassion. But until that day arrives, we are still operating within a civil litigation model built for disputes like Sony versus Apple, not for the unraveling of a household, the dividing of time with a child, or the grieving of a life once built together.

We are, in many ways, a square peg forced into a round hole. Yet, while the structure may be imperfect, the experience of those within it is still ours to shape. Our conduct, our choices, our tone—all of it dictates how our clients and their children move through this time. Until there is a better system, we must honor the one we have. We must not abuse it, not clog it with unnecessary filings, and not use it to delay justice or line our pockets.

Our duty is to reduce harm where we can, use litigation with discernment, and model a higher path. That is how we prepare the ground for something better. That is how we protect the families we serve.

Green Flags in Litigation: Practicing with Integrity and Intention

In a system so vulnerable to discord, small choices can make a big impact. The following “green flags” are practical ways that we can uphold our collective integrity as attorneys while directly benefiting children and families.

1. Confer and Stipulate Early: When attorneys open lines of communication at the outset of a case—conferring over core issues and stipulating where possible, they establish a collaborative tone. This early effort often paves the way for settlement and keeps litigation in check from the beginning.

2. Promote Compliance with Court Orders: This one may seem obvious; however,unfortunately, it is not universally accepted. In my personal experience, there is a troubling divide among family law attorneys in Florida. One group believes that as officers of the court, we are obligated to ensure our clients comply with all lawful court orders. The other believes that it is not their role to “police” their clients, even when noncompliance is blatant.

Let us be clear, this second approach is not only ethically questionable, but corrosive to our profession and dangerous to the families we serve. Rule 4-3.3 of the Rules Regulating the Florida Bar requires that attorneys recognize and honor pertinent legal authorities. Turning a blind eye when a client violates a court order is a violation of both the spirit and the letter of our oath. Worse still, accepting money while permitting that violation not only confirms the stereotype of lawyers as “snakes,” but weakens the integrity of the system for all involved.

Your fellow lawyers are watching, and more importantly, so is the judge. When you permit disobedience of court orders, you send a message that clients can hire attorneys to do their bidding instead of receive sound legal advice and firm boundaries. This is not advocacy, it is abdication.

3. Maintain Client Control: Finally, perhaps the most powerful signal of a skilled and ethical family lawyer is client control. The courtroom is not a stage for personal vendettas. When an attorney allows clients to act out behind the scenes by withholding support, needlessly involving law enforcement, or antagonizing the other parent, they become complicit in conduct that damages everyone, especially the children.

Clients often look to us for the limits of what is acceptable. If we provide no guardrails, they believe none exist. But when we uphold standards—firmly, calmly, consistently—we protect not only the process, but the dignity of everyone involved. We remind our clients that this is not about winning a war, but about creating a path forward.

Conclusion

As family law attorneys, we carry an extraordinary dual burden and sacred opportunity. We are not mere advocates; we are stewards of families in transition. Our words, filings, and strategies leave lasting marks, some that children may carry for a lifetime. When we operate from integrity, with the collective in mind, we uplift not only our profession, but the families we vowed to serve.​

Let us reject the culture of silence around misconduct and rise above adversarial habits that harm children. Let us remember our oath—not just as a formality, but as a living compass guiding every decision. When we act with honor, empathy, and responsibility, we become not just lawyers, but protectors of Florida’s families and the bright future they deserve.